Unwanted Heat

For the first time I think we started the arrangement with Bridget, Nicholas doesn’t kiss me good night when I leave this apartment. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t want to; the look in his eyes told me he did. I think maybe he was worried it would change how I thought about what he is proposing. As soon as I enter my apartment, I sit down and try to process everything that just happened. I try to make sense of the proposal and how I even feel about what he is suggesting.

I sigh and pull out the prenup agreement he gave me; as he indicated, the agreement outlines what I will receive when the marriage is dissolved, namely the condo I am currently staying in. I’m surprised to learn that Nicholas is not only proposing to cover my school expenses while we are married, but that he will continue to cover them for up to four years following our divorce. While I’m still not sure how I feel about the idea of him paying my bills, I’m kind of touched that he included the clause that he would continue covering the fees after our divorce, as it would ensure I was able to finish any degree I decided to pursue. It’s little things like that which make me realize that Nicholas does care for me more than a contract or business arrangement.

I think about how much my life has changed since I stepped off the plane in New York a couple of years ago. I had nothing but a small duffel bag and a few dollars in my pocket when I arrived here. I had no idea what to expect; all I knew was that I needed to start over. When I met with the case worker at the shelter in Denver, she asked me if I could go anywhere where would I go? I looked at the map on her wall, and my eyes just sort of fell on New York. My goal at that time was simple: survive.

I knew I had serious trust issues after what he did to me and because of that marriage was never a consideration for me. Unlike most women my age, I had no desire to date, fall in love, get married and start popping out kids. I could never see myself living with a man again; I vowed never to trust someone like that ever again. I vowed never to put myself in a position to be hurt like he hurt me again.

Yet, here I sit actually contemplating agreeing to marry a man; a man that I’ve only known for three months. I can’t help but think about how things changed with him; we moved in together very quickly, really without even knowing each other. I was blinded by the idea that someone was showing me affection, and I was desperate to get out of the house I lived in. Looking back, the signs were there, but I ignored them. When he took me out on a date, he always insisted on ordering for me and planning every detail of the date. When I moved in with him, everything had to be absolutely perfect in the house. The cup handles all had to face a certain way in the cabinets, cans in the pantry had to face with labels facing forward-even the bottles of liquor had to be organized in a specific way. At first, I just chalked it up to a quirk of his; one that I was willing to deal with because I was finally out of that house. Looking back now, I should have realized those were signs of his need to control everything.

If I didn’t think I knew Nicholas as well as I do, I wouldn’t even be considering this arrangement. I don’t think for a second that Nicholas would ever hurt me the way he did, but I can’t help but question my own ability to read people after the decisions I’ve made in the past. I quickly decide that if I’m going to agree to this new arrangement, I’m going to need to have an out in the off chance that I can’t trust my instincts with Nicholas. I won’t be forced to make a decision between having a roof over my head and being safe.

I decide to start making a list of things I need to address with him before I can make a decision on this proposal. I go into the office to grab a pen and paper before returning to the living room. Although it’s probably not a wise decision, I decide I want a glass of wine while I try to decide what I’m going to do. It’s late, but I think a liquor store would still be open; the only problem is that Hunter isn’t here and there’s no way I’m going to leave the apartment without some type of security. I decide to call Carter to see if he is available to go with me or perhaps he has someone who can go.

“Ms. Rose, is everything okay?” he answers on the first ring.

“Oh, yes, everything is fine. I’m sorry to bother you-”

“It’s no bother at all, Ms. Rose. What can I do for you?”

“I need to run an errand; I’m sure Hunter has already left for the

day…”

“It’s not a problem. Where would you like to go?”

“I just wanted to run to a liquor store; I don’t know if there’s one

nearby-”

“Just a few blocks from here. If you don’t mind, what are you looking to get?”

“Just a bottle of wine.”

“What kind do you like?”

“Something sweet-”

“I’ll have something to you in a few minutes.”

“Oh, I don’t mind going-”

“I’ll see you in a few, Ms. Rose.”

Well, that didn’t go as I thought it would. I didn’t expect Carter to drop what he was doing to run to the store for me. I’m still trying to get used to the whole idea of needing security; I don’t know how I feel about having someone go shopping for me. Although, I suppose this isn’t too different than what I would have to deal with if I agreed to marry Nicholas. I have no doubt that he doesn’t go food shopping for himself and doesn’t run to Walmart to pick up something he needs. I can’t help but laugh at the idea of Nicholas in Walmart; yeah, that would never happen.

Knock knock

I’m surprised to find Carter at my door only a few minutes after I hung up the phone with him. It’s not possible that he went to the liquor store that fast; perhaps he changed his mind and decided it would be best if I went with him to pick out the type of wine.

“Good evening, Ms. Rose,” Carter greets me when I open the door. “Mr. Parker has sent several different types of wines from his collection that he thought you might like.”

“Nicholas sent these?”

“Yes, ma’am. Mr. Parker has an extensive wine collection, one that is far better than what you would find at the local liquor store.”

“Please send him my thanks. I… wasn’t expecting this.”

“You should have wine glasses in the kitchen, but if you need anything else this evening please contact me.”

“Thank you, Carter.”

“And, Ms. Rose… can be I honest with you?”

“Of course, Carter.”

“Mr. Parker is a good man; I’ve worked for him for several years now, as has Julie. Neither of us would stay if Mr. Parker wasn’t a good person. Don’t believe everything the media says about him; trust what you know. He’s let you in and that’s something he’s never done before.”

“I… thank you.”

“Good night, Ms. Rose.”

“Night, Carter.”

FUCKNôvelDrama.Org content.

Carter has just completely thrown me by what he said. I don’t know if he knows about the new arrangement Nicholas has proposed but I have no doubt that he was being honest. I don’t think Nicholas told him to come down and say something like that to me or to try to influence my decision. I’m sure that he wants this decision to be mine and mine alone.

I think back to what Carter said about Nicholas letting me in; I was surprised when he said that Nicholas hasn’t done that before. I wanted so badly to ask him what he meant by that, but I didn’t think he would tell me even if I did ask. He dated that woman before for quite some time by the sound of it; surely he would have opened up to her?

I shake my head, needing to stop trying to figure out what Carter meant and go into the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. In the bag that Carter gave me were four bottles of wine, all from different countries. I randomly pick one that has a beautiful picture of a vineyard on the front and head back to the living room where the new proposal awaits.

Thank you for the wine. It wasn’t necessary but I appreciate it. Kenzie

The response from Nicholas is almost instantaneous.

I hope you find one you like, but if not I can send more. Nicholas.

The first one I opened is just perfect; thank you Kenzie

Do you have any questions about the paperwork? I’d be happy to discuss anything with you Nicholas

I’ve just started reading through it all, but I’m starting a list Kenzie

I’ll answer any questions, Kenzie, or change anything you want Nicholas

I know… I just need to think this all through. It’s a lot to consider. Kenzie

He doesn’t respond, but I don’t know that he really needs to either. I pull the coffee table closer to the couch and start making notes on parts of the prenup that I have questions about or just things about this arrangement I have questions about in general. I’m still kind of surprised that I’m considering this, but knowing what Nicholas could lose if I don’t, how can I not consider his proposal? How could I say no if it means he would lose everything he has worked this hard to achieve? Especially when he is offering to help me make my dreams come true? The one thing I dreamed of but did not think would be possible was to return to school and earn some type of degree. And now it’s being handed to me.

By the end of the night, I’m surprised that I only have a few questions written on the paper. I expected to have a lot more, but in reality, the prenup is pretty straight forward and explains things clearly. There is one section of the contract that I need to address with Nicholas that is not sitting well with me. I know he said that he was willing to change anything in the contract, but I honestly don’t know if he’s going to be willing to change this. Unfortunately though, as the night wears on I realize this one clause is a deal breaker for me. If he isn’t willing to remove it, I don’t know that I can agree to this new arrangement. It’s probably not fair of me to ask this of him, but I have to.