Chapter 64 Do You Love Me?
Rafael’s POV
“Raf! Can I ask you a question?” Natalie said, her voice stammering a little.
I patted her head and smiled. “Sure!”
She stared at my face, hesitant about whether to ask or not. So, I encouraged her, “You can ask me whatever you want.”
However, I thought she might ask me about the drug deal. Her previous reaction when I mentioned it suggested she knew about the issue and was somehow involved. But she shocked me by asking a completely different question than what I had in mind.
She asked with a faint smile, “Why did you choose to be sadistic? Is there any chance you could be normal… I mean, do things in a normal way without all this punishment stuff?” Her voice was tinged with curiosity and anxiety.
I let out a deep sigh. Even though I didn’t like talking about this and disliked anyone interfering in my ways, she, as a partner, had the right to know.
“If I tell you the truth, won’t your view of me change? Wouldn’t you hate me?” I asked, staring into her eyes while a surge of anxiety grew inside me.
“Of course not!” she exclaimed. “I really want to know,” she added in a gentle tone.
I rested my head on the pillow behind me while she rested her head on my chest. Our bodies were close in an intimate way, covered by the bedsheet.
I stared into space and cleared my throat. “When I became a teenager, I didn’t feel the same way as other teenagers do. I hated kissing, hugging, and many other intimate things. I hated everything in my life,” I said, recalling every detail of my adolescence.
“One girl at my school was like me, avoiding every boy and any intimate actions. The other girls started bullying her, but no one dared to do the same to me. As the son of a famous actor, they thought I was just eclectic and arrogant. However, one night…” I paused, unsure if I should share that part of the story with her.
She lifted her head towards me, gave a reassuring smile, and mumbled, “Go ahead, I know you weren’t a virgin!” Even though her voice was tinged with amusement and sarcasm, I knew she was just covering up her true feelings.
I kissed her on the head and closed my eyes as I continued, “She offered to be my slave. At first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted that, but my hatred for women made me agree in the end. She was my first, and she allowed me to do whatever violence I wanted. She loved it and needed it. We completed each other.”
I stared at Natalie’s face, studying her reaction. She gulped and asked, “Did your relationship with her last long, or was it just once?”
“Three years. We stayed in that dynamic for three years until we graduated,” I said, aware that my words might be disturbing for her, but I had to tell her the whole truth or nothing at all. As my wife, she had the right to know.
She closed her eyes, sighed, then mumbled, “But… every time you came for a visit, you had a different girl with you. Which one was she?”
“She wasn’t any one of them. She couldn’t attend with me; her stepfather prevented her from visiting friends,” I explained.
Suddenly, her body became colder as she asked, “Did you love her?”
I chuckled, “Neither of us were seeking love. I told you, we hated intimacy.”
She bit her lower lip, then inquired, “You said you hated women. Can I know why?”
I said, with all the hatred in my heart for the women who were with my stepfather, “They were the reason I became sadistic. When I was a little kid, they tied me up and hit me if I didn’t obey them!”
Her eyes widened. “Women? Which women? And where were your parents during that?”
I sighed, “My mother was always on a business trip filming a movie or a series. My father built his own family, and I wasn’t a part of it. He decided to neglect his own son and raise another man’s child.” As I spat out the last few words, I regretted saying them.
I hugged her tightly. “I’m not blaming you, Nat. Maybe I did when I was younger, but now I’m glad that Dad was a good father, at least for you.”
Her eyes welled with tears and she mumbled, “I’m sorry, Rafael. Maybe if Mom and I were…”
I cut her off with a tender kiss. I didn’t want her to feel guilty or sorry. She was the light in my dim life, my savior from myself. She did what other women couldn’t.
She pulled me out of my darkness. Since my stepfather’s death, I had never been under anyone’s control. I didn’t allow anyone to control me or my life. But she asked for that, and despite my phobia, I was eager to please her.
However, once I knelt down on my knees for the first time in many long years, my head swirled with memories of the punishment I endured. Back then, they made me kneel on my knees and beg for mercy while their whip fell on my back. I felt every pain as if it were real. Tears streamed down my face, and they didn’t stop. The pain didn’t stop until Natalie’s soft lips touched mine, her scent relaxed me, and her tender touches snapped me back.
I adore this woman deep in my heart. But I cannot give her more than that, and I’m too selfish to let her go.This material belongs to NôvelDrama.Org.
I gently pushed her onto her back, burying my face in her neck. “I want you again,” I mumbled.
She chuckled, “Gosh, Raf, it’s five in the morning and we haven’t slept yet.”
“So what? It’s not like we can’t be late for work!” I whispered, my body already responding eagerly.
She raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I have a difficult boss to get along with. If I were late, maybe he would punish me.”
“And did you like his punishment?” I teased her.
She ran her fingers on my chest and whispered, “Depends on the kind of punishment.”
I laughed and took advantage of the moment, tasting her delicious lips. From between our breaths, I murmured, “You can ask me whatever you want, Natalie, and I promise I’ll give you! Money, properties, cars, and whatever else comes to your mind.”
“Can you give me love?” she asked, her tone tinged with a mix of uncertainty and determination.
My body tensed up at her question, which came out of the blue.
“Do you love me, Raf?” she asked, her voice soft yet filled with anticipation.