The Mafia’s Wanted Desires

JAXON

I took a swig from my tumbler, staring through the window with my face as blank as a sheet. I appeared calm on the outside, but I was a nerve-wracking mess on the inside. A knock sounded at my door and I heaved a sigh.

“The door is not locked,” I announced, and the door creaked slowly, accompanied by the clicking of heels against the vinyl floor.

“Good morning, Jaxon.” Her bubbly and energetic voice, which was filled with so much enthusiasm, filled the room. I spun around in my swivel chair, my gaze zeroing in on the blonde, who had her hair tied in a high ponytail. Her slim frame was draped in a corporate midi red dress that matched perfectly with the crimson lipstick on her lips.

She sauntered forward gracefully like she had the whole world parched on her palms, a bright smile plastered on her face, which had her blue eyes twinkling with softness.

“Good morning, Kendra.” I retorted in a bored tone which sounded so dismissive, but like always, she didn’t take it to heart. She slipped into the seat in front of me, dropping her black bag on the table. An act that unconsciously gave off the golden band on her ring finger.

It elicited a sigh of relief from me because I wouldn’t want my therapist hitting on me even though I knew being married wasn’t a limit for some promiscuous women. But then, something about Kendra convinced me that she was very professional and wouldn’t be trying such with me.

“Whiskey?” I offered and she chuckled softly.

“No, thank you. I love to work with a clear head.” She said with a smile.

“So, you are married, huh?” I said in an attempt to start a conversation, but it was a decoy. I was trying to test her limits and she stunned me further with the ardent smile that was still etched on her face. Her eyes brightened at the mention of her marital life.

“Yes, I am. I got married to my best friend three years ago and our marriage is blessed with an adorable little girl.” She answered my question with a smile that said it was all about the unconditional love she had for her family. It made my lips twitch involuntarily.

Maybe, just maybe. This will be me and Peach someday.

“How old are you, Kendra?” I said inquisitively. If I was going to be doing this with her, I had to hear from the horse’s mouth, even though I knew that after this session, I would have Duncan do a quick background check on her to see if she was lying.

One can never be too careful.

“Twenty-seven.” She answered honestly, maintaining eye contact with me. I shrugged casually, downing the rest of my whiskey at a go.

“So,” She sat up, a warm, assuring smile descending on her face.

“Tell me about yourself, Jaxon.” She inquired softly, her eyes searching mine.

Yeah, we are really doing this.

“Jaxon Gray. Twenty-nine, soon to be thirty in a few months. I am…uh…a businessman…” My voice trailed off, intentionally leaving out the part where I was the biggest crime lord in the country.

“What do you love doing?” That question came out of the blue, knocking my breath out of me. I released a light gasp, my hands growing cold. She seemed to have picked up on my change in demeanour, so she reached out to grasp my hand gently but I flinched, recoiling from her touch.

“Don’t touch me!” I snapped.

She exhaled softly, nodding with an understanding smile. It only aggravated me further. How could she be so calm while I was losing what was left on my mind?

I was so quiet, my mind running haywire.

“Jaxon?” She called softly and I looked at her. She seemed relieved that I wasn’t shying away from her gaze, then proceeded to speak with a light smile playing on her lips.

“I might have picked up on the fact that you are not big on trust and that’s completely okay. It’s fine. Baby steps. We will go at whatever pace you want.” She assured me gently. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, so I simply nodded with an exhaustive sigh.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Should we take it again?” She asked.

“Yes,”

“What do you love to do, Jaxon?” She repeated her question, her tone much more gentler this time around, leaving a sense of safety hanging around me.

“I…uh…I used to paint.” I answered quietly and her eyes brightened. I was soon staring into space with a sad smile playing on my lips as I ventured down memory lane.© 2024 Nôv/el/Dram/a.Org.

“Painting was like breathing for me. It was like the only way I could express myself.” I added, monotonously.

“So, why did you stop?” She asked, her voice drawn to a whisper.

“I couldn’t__” I took a deep breath.

“I couldn’t continue after my parents died in a car accident on my graduation day,” I added, scoffing at the end of my words. I avoided looking her in the eye because I didn’t want to see that look of pity on her face.

“Ever since then, the thought of painting is just associated with a truckload of pain. I didn’t want to be in pain,” I admitted.

“What did you do after your parents died?” That question wiped off the expression I had on my face and my head shot up from the table, my eyes locked on her face with a deadly glare marrying my face.

“What did you say?” I gritted out, daring her to ask me that question one more time. She wasn’t asking because she wanted to know what I did. She knew what I did but she wanted me to say it. What kind of a monster was she?

A monster that wants you to face your fears A voice echoed in my head.

“What did you do after they died?” She asked me, dragging out her words gently. I got up from my seat, walking farther away from her before I caused damage I couldn’t control.

“Stop asking me that!” I yelled.

“Stop!”

“Jaxon, the only way this is ever going to work is if you trust me. You have to trust me, Jaxon. I am not going to hurt you.” She said in an attempt to calm me down.

“Do you want me to put a call through to your wife?” She asked me. My bruised breathing started coming out slowly and I squeezed my eyes shut, taking slow deep breaths to calm myself.

“No, don’t call Peach. I am fine.” I disagreed immediately, ignoring the lingering ache in my temples. Her name. It worked like magic. It soothed my stiff muscles and gave me a sense of safety. I found myself returning to my seat in no time.

I slumped into my seat in defeat.

She was right. I had to trust her if I wanted this to work, but it wasn’t my fault that talking about it made my lungs want to close up.

“I understand that this is hard for you, but that’s why I am here. To help you sort through your feelings. To help you get through this.” She assured me warmly.

“Distractions,” I began.

“I looked for distractions when they died,” I added, sighing.

“You didn’t want to face the fact that they were dead…” Her voice trailed off. I looked at her and nodded.

“You still don’t want to.” She said in all honesty, earning a rude tilting of my brow.

“What do you mean?” I inquired.

“The death of loved ones often changes us in ways we don’t understand. It was easy for you to seek distractions after their death because, as humans, we are programmed that way. Our brains try to find the easiest way to distract us from the truth, and while it’s supposed to be a coping mechanism, some of us cling to that distraction, hiding from grief.” She explained.

“You never came to terms with their death, Jaxon. You have bottled up your grief for so long and holding back from grieving only causes more harm than good. It has eaten you since then, morphing you into an entirely different man.”

“It’s easier to run from the pain than to leave with it.” She revealed with a light smile playing on her lips.

“No, that’s not true.” I frowned and she chuckled.

“Of course, it is. When was the last time you went to see them?” Her tone, although questioning, was very soft as she maintained eye contact with me.

“I haven’t gone back there since the day they buried them,” I whispered.

“Why?”

“Because it’s all my fault. They were in that car because of me. Because it was my graduation. I watched my mom give up the ghost and I couldn’t even help her. She was waiting for me to help her but I couldn’t do anything!” I spat out with so much undiluted venom.

“Because that’s what you have made yourself believe and that’s the reason you have been unable to let them go.” She voiced out.

“Healing is uncomfortable, Jaxon, but you have to come to terms with their death. I am so sure they wouldn’t want to see you beat yourself up about their death the way you are doing right now.”

“It’s time, Jaxon.”

“It’s time to grieve.”

“All those emotions? It’s high time you let them in.”