Holding on to you

As I walked into the room everyone stopped talking and got really quiet. I looked at them suspiciously, wondering what it was that suddenly made them stop talking?

“What’s going on?”

My question was to no one in particular, but none of them was rushing to answer either. My brothers all avoided making eye contact with me, and my parents just had a determined look in their eyes.

“Ok, why are you all acting so weird?”

I started getting nervous, and my mind immediately thought of the worst. When the silent got too much for me to handle, hysteria kicked in.

“D-did something happened to Killian? Did somebody die?”

When they still didn’t answer my questions, I graduated to yelling at them all, I was just fed up of the silence.

“What the f**k is wrong with you people; can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?!”

My mother narrowed her eyes at me, “Watch your language, young lady.”

I stared at her wide-eyed, she can’t be serious? They’re all sitting there, acting like they’re deaf and dumb, refusing to answer any of my questions, but have the audacity to tell me not to swear!

“Take a seat, baby bear.”

Ok, I was officially freaked out, my dad only used his ‘everything is going to be ok’ voice when something really bad has happened or going to happen.

I took the seat across from them which happened to be in between my brothers. My brothers pulled their chairs closer to mine, and Liam and Mike both captured my hands.

My mind and my heart were racing, for them to be acting this way, I knew that whatever news my father was going to give me, wasn’t going to be anything good.

“Honey, I don’t want you to get upset or take this the wrong way but… we’re not sending you back to Killian.”

I was out of the chair so fast that I almost gave myself whiplash, I couldn’t believe what I just heard. I started laughing, and I mean really laughing because he had to be joking.

“Nice one, dad, you almost got me there.”

The smile slipped from my face when I saw that he wasn’t laughing. However, instead of crying and begging like I knew they expected me to, I got mad.

“That’s not your decision anymore, dad!”

He bolted from his chair just as fast as I did, the lines on his face looked more defined as he glared at me. Before Killian, that look that he was sending my way, would have made me want to crawl in a hole and hide, but now I found that it didn’t affect me anymore.

“Like hell, it isn’t! You are still my daughter!”

I know I should have backed down and let him calm down, but I was pissed off. However, it wasn’t at him, I was pissed off at the thought of never seeing Killian again, that possibility scared me.

“I’m your daughter who is married, you can’t tell me that I’m never going to see my husband again, only I can decide that!”

My dad looked about to burst, I could see that he wasn’t going to back down and neither was I. My mother pulled my dad away to ease the tension, but it was obvious that we were both strong-headed and unwilling to give in to the other.

“Marco, calm down, yelling will not get you anywhere.” My mum said to him, then she turned to me, “Lilly, this is not a decision that we took lightly, we understand that you love him, but you need to see that he is not good for you.”

Her voice held a pleading tone which was hard for me to ignore, so I decided to hear them out, it was the lease I could do.

My mother’s shoulders relaxed and she took her seat along with my father. When they were both sitting, I resumed my seat as well.

“Well, I’m listening.”

I knew I sounded cold, but at the moment I could care less about how my tone was towards them. I loved them, but I’d die without Killian and they needed to understand that.

“Honey, I know you might think that this relationship you have with him is normal, but you have to know that it is not. I know you don’t want to hear this, but we all know that he forced it on you.”

My mum had tears in her eyes as she spoke, which caused me to feel like the worse daughter ever.

“Lilly, we know about the marks, we know that he likes to get violent with you. Baby, can’t you see that he is no good for you, he doesn’t deserve you.”

She got up from her seat to kneel in front of me, taking my hands into her, she continued talking.

“You, my beautiful baby girl, deserve someone who will love and cherish you every day of his life, someone who will respect you enough to never lay a hand on you no matter how upset you make him. You deserve a man who’s willing to lay his life and the world at your feet, and that man is not Killian.”

Her words were so beautiful that I started crying, but my mother thought that I was crying because I agreed with her. I did agree with all of it except the last part, what she didn’t know was that everything that she just described, Killian portrayed them.

“Mum, Killian doesn’t abuse me, he can be violent at times but he’d never hurt me in the way that you think.”

My mother looked sceptical, but I wasn’t going to tell her that I liked it when my husband gets violent with me, that’s it’s part of the reason I loved him so much, that I crave that dark side of him.

“Killian might never say it, but I know that he loves me. He’s been through a lot so it’s hard for him to be vulnerable, but I know what’s in his heart even if he refuses to acknowledge it. He loves me, mum, he’d die for me, he’d never let anything bad happen to me.”

My mother looked like she was caving, but my father was determined to believe the worst about Killian.

“Don’t fool yourself, Lilly, all that bastard cares about is himself, and he doesn’t love you, he sees you as his property, something to own.”

I couldn’t really tell him he was wrong about the last part because I knew that Killian saw me that way. However, I was upset with my father for pointing it out.

“Is that such a bad thing, I know how he feels about me, so does it matter if he feels the need to claim ownership of me?! I love him!”

I got up, I was ready to leave, to be done with the conversation and my visit with my parents. However, when I made to leave the room my father grabbed my arms, forcing me to face him.

“Don’t let him fool you, Lilly, I’ve raised you better than this.”

I yanked my hand away from him, “You raised me to love unconditionally and without prejudice. You raised me to believe in myself and to trust my own instincts, and that’s what I’m doing, dad. I’m trusting what I believe, and I believe that he loves me.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

Without waiting for him to reply I ran from the room straight to the bedroom that I was using. I threw myself on the bed and reached for my phone, my hands were shaking when I dialled the number and my voice was nothing but a small whimper when I spoke.

“Killian, I don’t want to be here anymore, please come and get me.”

“I’m on my way.”

It was all he said, but I knew that he was going to run every traffic light just so he can get to me faster. I spend my time in my bedroom waiting for Killian to arrive, even when my brothers asked if they could come in I never got up to let them in. However, after about twenty minutes of standing there, they left me alone.

As I waited for Killian, I went to work packing up my stuff. I was only two weeks into my visit and I was sad I had to leave, but I knew that it was for the best. After I had everything packed, I got a text from Killian saying that he was outside, so I grabbed my bags and left the room.

When I got down to the living room, my family all looked at my bags then back at me. I could see the hurt look in their eyes, but I just couldn’t stay with them any longer. I’d much rather preserve our relationship as it is than stay longer and have to fight them every day on letting me love who I love.

“Honey, you don’t have to leave.”

My mother’s voice cracked, and I felt myself tear up. We both knew that it was no use me staying any longer because I wasn’t going to do what they wanted me to.

“Yes I have to, it’s for the best.”

She came over to me and hugged me, and so did my brothers, but my father never even looked at me, and that hurt. In the past it was always my father and me, we were always allies in everything, but now it’s like we don’t even know each other.

My brothers grabbed my bags and walked me to the door, when I opened it I saw Killian standing next to his car looking impatient as ever. At that moment I forget all about my problems and ran to him. He caught me in a hug, wrapping his hands around me so securely like he thought he would have never seen me again.

“My God, baby, you smell so good.”

I buried my head in his shirt and hugged him with the same intensity, it felt so good being back in his arms.

“Don’t ever leave me again,” I begged.

“Never.” He replied.

He held my face in between his palm and kissed me, it was the sweetest, most passionate kiss we’ve ever shared. When he finally pulled away, I still had my eyes closed, savouring the moment, and when I opened my eyes back up he was taking the bags from my brothers.

The exchange between them was tense, and I held my breath waiting for them to go at each other throats, but nothing happened.

After depositing my bags in the trunk, Killian approached my brothers with his hand extended.

“Thank you for keeping her safe and out of trouble while she was here.”

They stared at him for a while, but then Liam stepped forward and shook his hand and the others followed suit.

“You don’t need to thank us, she’s our baby sister, we’ll always keep her safe.”

“As will I, I’d give my life so that she gets to keep hers.”

They all stood awkwardly staring at each other, not knowing what else to say, so I decided to break the ice.

“You guys are going to keep it touch right, come and visit one in a while?”

They looked hesitant to answer, eyes flickering towards Killian to see if he’ll object. Killian noticed this and chuckled.

“I have no objections to any of you coming to visit your sister, our home is your home if need be.”

My brothers shared a look between themselves, and after a while, they all agreed to visit more often and call more. I embraced them then cast one last look at the house, and it broke my heart when I saw my father standing at the window watching us. However, he pulled the blinds shut when my eyes caught his.

Killian and I got in the car and we drove home in silence. I must have fallen asleep on the drive because when I opened my eyes I was being placed on the bed. I was about to curl up and go back to sleep, but the distinct sound of gunshots had me bolting from the bed.

Killian put his finger to his mouth, signalling for me to be quiet and went to grab his guns that were in the drawer by the bed. He handed one to me and told me to stay close to him.

I nodded and followed him out of the bedroom. We made our way around the house which was now deadly quiet, and as we passed we saw a few of the guards lying on the floor, dead.

As we came upon the French room, (I call it the French room because every item in the room was imported from France) we saw Natasha holding a gun to Kinsley’s head.

“Hey lover, I heard you were looking for me, so I thought I’d come to you first.”

Killian narrowed his eyes at her and she laughed like the situation was funny, but it wasn’t until I was pulled away from Killian that I understood why she was laughing.

Kaden grabbed me around the waist and pressed his gun to my head while taking the one that was in my hand. Killian spun around so fast, his gun aimed at Kaden’s head.

“Let her go and I might let you live.”

His words were spoken softly, but you could hear the deadly warning in them, but since Kaden and Natasha had the upper hand, they both laughed.

“This must be a difficult decision for you, Killian, should you save your flesh and blood, or should you save the only woman you’ve ever truly love?”

Killian tried his best not to show any emotions, but I saw the flicker in his eyes, the way his hands tightened on the gun he was holding. I knew that he was scared.

I saw him looked to Kinsley then back at me, and I saw the moment he made the decision to save my life instead of his sisters, and from the look on Kinsley’s face, I knew that she saw it too.

“Well, I’ll be damn, cuz, her pussy must be the shit if you’d choose her over your own sister.”

Killian never acknowledged him, instead, he kept his eyes on both him and Natasha.

“I might not make it out of here alive, but I’m sure as hell taking one of you with me.”

Kaden chuckled, “What about her if you start shooting she might not making it out of her alive either.”

All emotion left Killian’s face, no longer was he looking scared, his blank mask was back in place and standing facing me was a side of Killian that I’ve never seen before.

“Make no mistake, Kaden, I don’t give a f**k if we all die in here today, but she is going to walk out of here with not so much as a scratch on her. If you harm one perfect strand of hair on her head, your death will not be a quick one.”

I heard Kaden swallow, and I couldn’t blame him for being scared shitless because at that moment I wouldn’t have wanted to be on the receiving end of Killian’s threat.

Kaden’s grip on me weakened, and I elbowed him in the gut and tried to get away from him, but he grabbed me by my hair, pulling me back to him. Killian growled, moving so fast my eyes barely caught up. He moved his gun away from Kaden and fired it at Natasha, hitting in the hand, causing her to drop the gun. Then he turned back to Kaden and shot him two times in the knee caps.

Since Natasha was closer to the door she ran through it, leaving Kaden to his own demise. When I was free of Kaden I rushed over to Kinsley to make sure that she was ok.

However, she shoved my concern aside and turned to face Killian, “You killed her didn’t you.”

Killian took his eyes off of Kaden, but his gun was still aimed at him. his voice held no remorse when he answered Kinsley.

“Yes, I did.”

Kinsley held her stomach like she’s been punched in it. I didn’t know who they were talking about, but I was sure that it wasn’t Natasha.

Kinsley yelled, “Why?! Why would you kill her, she was my mother?!”

I gasped, reaching forward to comfort her, but she just shrugged my touch off just like before.

“All you care about, Killian, is her! I’m your sister and you would have let me die to save your precious little Red!”

With no feelings or emotion for his sister’s pain, Killian looked her right in the eyes and answered.

“Yes I would have, I’d give my life for her, you know this Kinsley, so why are you now acting surprised?”

Kinsley glared at him, “Because I’m your sister! Your sister, Killian, that has to count for something!”

“I know you are my sister that’s why I’ve protected you your hold life, but you can’t ask me to trade Lilly’s life for yours when I’d gladly forfeit my own for hers.”

A heartbreakingly sad look entered Kinsley’s eyes and she said very softly, “You don’t feel anything for me, do you? Anything you feel in that cold heart of yours is only for her, has only ever been for her.”

Killian opened his mouth to answer, but Kaden whimpering interrupted him, so he lifted his foot and knock him out, then turn back to his sister.

“Kinsley, I wish I could explain myself to you, but the truth is she will always come first, that’s just the way it is and will always be.”

She looked at him then at me then back at him again, before running from the room, saying that she couldn’t stay here any longer.

I wanted to be angry with him, but I knew that Killian was different from others, and whatever he endured as a child has scared him, making him into the person he was.

I walked over to him and took his face in between my palms, bringing his head down to mine, I kissed him.

“I love you, I will always love you no matter what, I just need you to know that.”

He nodded his head, and I left the room and went in search of Kinsley. However, as I was leaving I heard Killian talking to Kaden who was awake and whimpering.

“You and I are going to have a little talk about that perfect head of hair that I specifically told you not to touch.”