Brothers of Paradise Series

“Great name. Lily will love it.”

I chuckle. “Yes, she will. How’s Emma been?”

Jamie’s face lightens. She tells me about Emma’s new school, and how she’s struggling with another loose tooth. I listen as a feeling of certainty settles over me. My family, I think. If they’ll have me.

Jamie motions to the spot in front of her. I don’t need to be asked twice and sit down. The boat sways softly beneath us.

“I went by your house first,” she says. Her hands curl in her lap. “But you weren’t home, so I figured you were here.”

“I’ve been fixing her up most evenings this week.”

“She looks good.”

I nod. “But she’ll look better in time.”

Her mouth softens. “Oh, I’m sure she’ll be the most beautiful boat in the marina.”

“Will she?”

“Yes. You take good care of the things in your life.”

I reach out a hand and smooth a lock of hair away from her forehead. She stays still, the smile soft on her face. Achingly beautiful.

“We’ve had fun together this summer,” I say. “Haven’t we?”

“Yes.”

“There’s something I want you to do for me.”

“There is?”

I nod, letting my hand drop. “There’s a security firm Hayden works with that installs security systems in houses. Sensors around doors, alarms, the works. I want your mom’s house to have a system like that. You two will be the only ones with the codes.”

Her eyebrows rise. “That’s a good idea.”

“Just in case. I doubt he’ll come back, but I’d sleep better at night.”

“So would I,” she says, swallowing hard. “Thank you, Parker. For always looking out for us.”

“I’ll send you the details.”

Jamie looks down at her hands. A faraway seagull cries out and the waves lap softly against the boat’s hull. This is it, I think. She’ll break or heal me right here.

“The last voice I needed to silence,” she says, “was my own.”

“It was?”

She nods and brushes a hand over her cheek. Her eyes are glazed and my stomach sinks, seeing it. “Yes,” she says. “Last week, the expectations got to my head. That we would move in together, that we would have kids, all things you deserve, Parker. All things I… but it got to my head.”

“I’ve never made you feel that way,” I say. “Have I? Put any expectations on you?”

“No,” she says, and laughs a little, wiping at her cheek again. “I realized that the last set were all my own. It’s everything I want and yet, now that I could theoretically have it, it terrifies me. Maybe I don’t feel like I deserve it or if I’d even get to keep it… and that if we fail, it’ll hurt so much worse than anything with Lee ever did. If you were to get lost in a storm again…”

“I won’t,” I promise her. “Never.”

Sincere eyes meet mine. “It was my own voice, in my own head. Reminding me of what I have to lose. You. What if I can’t be what you want, Parker? What if I can’t move fast enough for your liking?”

My hands ache to take hers. “You’ll always be what I want, James,” I say. “There’s no timeline for us. Never has been. We’ve always defied it.”

“I have baggage. A lot of it,” she says.

“Everyone does.”

She takes a deep breath and meets my eyes. “I love you,” she says. “I think I always have, even back when you were someone I loved from afar, knowing we’d never make sense.”Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.

“Not true.”

“A little true,” she says, “and you know that, too.”

“That was then. We’re not the same people anymore.”

“No,” she says, and reaches for my hand. “We’re not. I love you. I don’t know if I can be what you want, but that won’t change.”

I love you.

The words send liquid warmth through me. Nothing else matters. “You are what I want already. All of it,” I say. “What about what you said last week? About a relationship?”

She shakes her head. “I want to be with you, if you’ll have me.”

“Jamie,” I protest, pulling her close. “You know I will.”

She laughs softly against my shoulder. “I want to find my footing. I want to freelance with graphic design and I want Emma to properly start school and get friends. I want to move out of my mom’s into a place that’s just ours.”

“Yes,” I murmur. “I support all of that.”

“I want us to be… equal. I can’t live at your house rent-free. I can’t put myself in a position like that again.”

“Jamie, I understand. Trust me. And for the record? We are equal. We always have been.” I take her hand and lift it to my cheek, needing her touch. “Whatever you want.”

She takes a deep breath. “The last part. Kids? Do you want more? Because I don’t know yet. I can’t make any prom-”

I kiss her softly, stopping the words. Surprised lips open beneath mine. When I feel grounded again, I lift my head and rest my forehead against hers. “Jamie,” I murmur. “If I’m an uncle and a stepfather all my life, that will be okay for me.”

“It will?”

“Yes.”

A sigh escapes her. “Oh. But don’t you have wants, too?”