Chapter 85
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I felt something hurl my body to the ground as he pushed past me, brushing his shoulder violently against mine. I shook my head vehemently, clutching the skin of my chest. This could not be happening to me, it had to be a dream, a bad dream.
I had come here with the intention of opening up to him about my pregnancy, to let him know that we were expecting a baby, to find the way forward. But the way he looked at me, I had never seen that level of hatred emanates from him before. He was a total contrast to the caring man I knew. This man was brutal, nonchalant.
And he rejected me without mercy. It was only until I felt something claw my chest open, allowing my heart to bleed out, that I knew we were mates. I could not blame him for my ignorance, I had lost my wolf and my ability to sense my mate along with it. However, it did not stop me from wanting to dig my hand into my throat and rip my heart out from my chest.
It was painful, too painful to even breathe. Tears welled up in my eyes, my entire world crumbled on my shoulders, but I forced myself to rise up. I forced myself to stagger out of his room. My feet seemed too heavy for the rest of my body to carry but I forced strength from places I never thought strength existed.
Ley was in school, and Mel was at work. The only place I could go was the hospital.
Even though it meant I would have to face my mother again, I preferred to be alone with her. I needed to speak to someone, anyone at all. It did not matter if the person did not know me, or remember who I was.
I boarded a taxi back to the hospital. Her ward had become a second home to me, it was easy to locate it even with my teary and blurry vision. I pushed the door open and found her seated on her wheelchair. She had a nail file in her right hand as she carefully adored the fingers on her right.
She was so engrossed in her manicure that she did not hear me step in, or see me sit down on the chair in front of her bed. I found myself watching her hopelessly. The nurses had helped to weave her mass of red hair into two neat French plaits. The gown on her body was almost her size and her face did not seem so pale anymore. She was finally gaining some weight, even though it had been only two days.
Her eyes rose slowly, until they landed on me. I could see a flicker of happiness and hope in her moss green orbs.
“Hello miss. I didn’t think you were going to come back.”
Miss? I could do nothing but force a sad smile.
She placed her nail file on her thighs and focused her gaze on me.
“Have you seen Jojo and Ley? It’s been days since I woke up, but the nurses won’t let my family know I am awake. I need to see my Ley. I haven’t been able to feed her for quite a while now and it bothers me. What if she gets sick? But the nurses don’t care. Please, do tell me you’ve found my Jojo.” The ray of hope in her eyes did not die down.
I wished, more than anything, that she would open her eyes and see that the daughter she was searching for was in front of her, looking down at her and wishing that everything would be okay again. Hot and scorching tears burnt my eyelids, but I did not stop them from flowing this time, I could not.
Seeing her here brought memories rushing back and flooding my mind. I could remember what had landed her here in the first place, my father’s cruelty, my auntie’s maltreatment. All the times life had battered and bruised me, all the times I had been rejected, taken for granted, spat on. I saw the hatred in the alpha’s eyes as he rejected me. The woes of life were overwhelming me, no matter how I stayed strong, no matter how hard I tried to keep it together, I found myself shattering into a million different pieces.
Working five jobs and saving even though I had almost nothing, just to make sure that my mother saw the light of day. And now that she was here, she could barely remember me. How was I supposed to deal with that?
As I continued to sob, she rolled her wheelchair towards me and stopped by my side. But I could not bring myself to look at her. I continued to stare at the ground as I let go of my pain and suffering through my tears. I wished it would help me feel better, I wished it would ease my sorrow.
My mother placed a soft hand on my thigh as she spoke. She stretched the other hand to my eyes and wiped the tears off with her index finger.
“Why are you crying now, miss? Wipe your tears.” She heaved a short sigh, before speaking.
“You know, you look just like my daughter, Jojo. She has these green eyes and ginger red hair, just like I do. She is beautiful too, just like you.”
I turned slowly to her. Her bright eyes locked with my teary ones immediately and her lips thinned in a polite smile. In that moment, she eased my thigh of her hand and placed the hand at the back of my head, gently stroking my hair.
My mother, the woman I had waited eight years to see, caressed the back of my head gently. She smiled at me with care in her eyes, concern etched in her gaze. How did she know it was my dream? How could see read my mind and know what I had been craving for years?
My lips parted and I cried out, leaning into her body and placing my head on her thighs, sobbing bitterly. She stiffened at first, but soon found a way to relax against my hold. It felt so good, so good to have her hold me the way I had dreamt of being held.
“Now, now, dear. I do not know what is causing you so much pain, but I do know that as far as you’re strong enough, and you tell yourself you won’t give up, nothing can bring you down. Nothing at all.”
I wished she was right, I wished I was strong enough. But even if I was, what would I do with the baby? I was only nineteen, and jobless.
I no longer had a job at the casino and that meant they would no longer cover my mother’s medical bills, the money would stop to come. I had promised Mel I would take care of the rent and groceries, I did not want to be a burden on her, on anyone.
But I felt like nothing but a liability to everyone around me, including myself. I did not want to be a liability to my child, I would not be able to live with that.
On the other hand, getting rid of a baby was a big deal for me. Even if I wanted to, I was not sure I had enough money to take care of the medical cost.
I had to make a decision fast, but I had to make it carefully. I did not want to do something I would spend the rest of my waking moments on earth regretting.
But, what could I do?