4-21
The television blares with some sort of crime drama and I curl up on the couch, on the opposite end of Tommy. He lets me watch TV with him now.
I keep sneaking glances at him, studying his profile, the stubble on his cheeks that’s normally shaved away, his hair, which not quite covers his eye. He looks at me almost as if he senses my stare, and gives me a warm smile. It fills my stomach with the strangest uplifting feeling.
Then I just can’t stand it anymore.
I stand up and feel his eyes train on me. He doesn’t really let me roam freely. His eyes are always watching. Waiting. They follow me as I stand in front of him, blocking the TV.
“What?” he says finally.
“We’ve been doing this for days, now.”
He shrugs. “And?”
“And I want to know what this is leading up to.”
I just want it to be over. My budding feelings for Tommy are like a parasitic growth. The more I’m around him, the more attached I am. There’s no more need for punishment, because I do everything he says. Everything.
It sickens me.
We’re at a stalemate. I’ve done everything I can to build a rapport with him, but he hasn’t changed much.
He suddenly leans forward and grabs me, pulling me close. Then he pulls me over his lap and my throat closes as his hands curl around my arms. Heat flushes over my face and chest when he gives me that smile. It makes my heart pound just a little bit faster. I feel so small in his arms. I touch his neck and study the fine lines near his eyes that deepen when he smiles, like right now.
“Some guys are going to come over later,” he says while stroking my arm. “Then you’ll understand.”
Some guys? “You mean, Jack and Vincent?”
My heart clenches painfully and I unconsciously grip Tommy’s t-shirt in my fist. No, I don’t want them here. They frighten me in a way that Tommy doesn’t.
“Not Vince. He’s being watched.”
Bile rises in my throat. “Please don’t let them come here.” My fingers dig into his shoulder. “I don’t want to see them.”
“I don’t want them here, either, babe, but he’s the boss. He calls the shots.”
“I thought you did.”
His chest shakes with a chuckle. “Not yet.”
“But you always-”
“Jack gives me a lot of free rein to do what I want because I’m valuable to him.”
The vein on my neck throbs as I take his collar in my hands. “If you’re valuable, you can ask him anything.”
He smiles.
“Tell him that I don’t have to die.”
Tommy’s expression sobers immediately. “Melanie, it won’t come to that.” He yanks me until his lips move against mine. “Trust me, I prefer you alive.”
Then he kisses me and every drop of resistance inside me evaporates. Being wrapped up in his arms like this makes me forget every hurt he inflicted on me. He pushes the straps of my tank top down my arms until I’m locked inside them, but this is the way he prefers me. He likes me when I’m restrained against my will. It excites him. His hand moves underneath my shirt and pulls it up over the swell of my breasts. A grin spreads over his face as he pushes me down the couch. Energy rushes through my veins as his hard body falls over mine, his head propped up by his elbow. A slow burn blossoms over my cheeks as his heavy weight pins me down, trapping me underneath him.
“You wouldn’t hurt me, right?”This is from NôvelDrama.Org.
“Of course not,” he says in a tired voice, his eyes focusing on my mouth.
But he says it so automatically that despair floods my eyes, and he gently kisses my cheek.
“Why don’t you believe me?”
I breathe in slowly, slightly overwhelmed by him. “You don’t-you hide a lot of things about yourself.”
“Like?”
“You said that you have anger problems before, but I don’t see it at all.”
A dimpled smirk curves into his face. “Well, it’s hard to be pissed off when I’m inside you.”
A violent blush runs up my neck, searing my cheeks.
“Instead of getting angry, I can just fuck you until my legs are numb and I’m too tired to feel anything else. You’re taking my edge away.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“What is this, a therapy session?”
“I just want to know you.”
So I can get the fuck out of here.
As that thought resonates through me, I don’t feel the same sense of urgency I felt a week ago. Jesus.
Then he shakes his head and sits up on the couch, dragging me with him. He pulls the straps on my shoulders and makes a deep, rumbling sound in his chest. His eyes close and he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“You want to know me.”
“We’re around each other all day, every day. I’m tired of being afraid. I want to believe that you’re not as much of a monster as you pretend to be.”
“You think this is an act?”
“I don’t know what to think anymore.”
He pulls me into his chest and I hear his heartbeat, as steady as a metronome. “Do you really think I’m faking it when my cock gets hard?”
“I’m talking about how you’re acting around me. Like right now. I don’t know whether you’re just being nice because you need my cooperation, or if there’s a part of you that likes having me around.”
“Don’t do this to yourself, Melanie.”
The coldness in his voice freezes the hope in my chest.
What does he mean by that?
A loud banging sound makes me jump in Tommy’s arms. The front door rattles hard.
“No,” I moan into his chest. “Please, don’t!”
Unsmiling, he gently takes my arms from his chest and stands up with me. Sobs rack my chest as I hear the furious voice outside the door, and Tommy grabs my face, pain etched over every feature.
“Stop crying. It’ll be fine. Just shut your mouth, and it’ll be fine.”
No, it won’t.
“Don’t answer the door!”
He holds me to his chest for a moment and squeezes hard enough for my lungs to lose air.
“TOMMY!”
“Jesus Christ,” he says with a frustrated sigh. “I’m coming!”
I walk into the kitchen with stiff limbs, taking a seat near the end of the table as Tommy walks to the rattling front door and unlocks it. My hands clench the table as the door swings outward, revealing a dark silhouette.
“Jack, come in.”
The boss of the Vittorio family steps into the light and takes Tommy in an embrace, kissing both of his cheeks. Then several other men filter inside, people I’ve never seen before. They walk inside with a nod to Tommy, placing themselves around the kitchen table like sentries.
The smile Jack gives to Tommy looks tense. His lips pull over his teeth and he grins, the resulting effect making him look deranged. Then he turns down the hallway, making small talk with Tommy as his restless eyes find me. It’s the first time I’ve seen him since the courtrooms. Since I betrayed him.
His shoes lightly clip over the linoleum as he makes a beeline toward me. I wrap my arms around myself as my heart thunders in my chest. I stare at his waist, because it’s easier to look at than his face. It stops inches from me and for one wild moment I think he’s going to force me to give him a blowjob.
“Look at me.”
I flinch from the hatred burning in his eyes. His mouth twists with a cruel grimace and his face looks older somehow. Haggard and unkempt.
“I don’t see any marks on her body.”
Tommy’s smooth voice sounds behind me. “That’s because I didn’t need to give her any.”
His intense gaze breaks from me to find Tommy. “What are you talking about?”
“I have other methods,” he says mysteriously.
I tremble in the chair as the boss faces Tommy, hands clenched at his sides.
“I expected more from you, Tommy. I came here expecting to see this bitch carved up from head to toe, but instead you did what? You fucked her into submission?”
His eyes flash, but Tommy keeps a pleasant smile on his face. “I don’t like having my methods questioned, Jack. I know what I’m doing.”
The boss’s finger jabs him in the chest. “You’ve gone soft. This bitch fucked over I don’t know how many members of our family, and she’s sitting here in perfect health? What the fuck has been going on here?”
“What the fuck does it matter as long as the job gets done? You won’t complain when she takes back her testimony.”
Suddenly the boss turns toward the chair I’m sitting in and the world spins as my chair wrenches backward, my head landing painfully on the floor. I cry out as Jack’s body looms over me.
“Fucking stupid cunt, I ought to kill you for what you did.”
I gasp deeply. “I promise I’ll do what he says. I swear I will.”
He bends down and wraps his hands around my throat, squeezing hard until it bulges for air. “You better, or I’ll send people to kidnap your mother and your father.” He grins at my shocked expression. “Yeah, we know where they are. I’ll send Tommy in with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch. They won’t go quickly.”
Disgust contorts his face as he releases me and I sputter on the floor, grasping my neck and crying. He crushed my throat, and it almost feels deformed. Then a swift kick to my ribs seems to puncture my lungs, the dull, hard ache robbing me of all breath. Lying on my back, I see Tommy red-faced with rage as he shoves the boss’s chest hard enough to make his back slam against the kitchen counter.
“Do not touch her.”
The only sounds in the kitchen are those of my gasping, desperate breaths. The venom in his voice shocks me.
He attacked the boss in my defense.
I can’t believe it.
“You’ve lost your fucking mind!” The boss grabs him by his lapels and shoves him against the wall.
“I told you not to come here,” he says in a dangerously controlled voice. “You’re ruining everything I’ve worked for these last couple weeks.”
I pick myself off the floor, hugging my knees as Jack shoves him higher against the wall. “You’re going to tell me what to do? Who the fuck do you think you are?”
“Jack,” he says in a calming tone, smiling slightly. “We talked about this on the phone. You and your crew are fucked without me. I will get the job done. I always do.”
Shaking, the boss of the family releases his hold on Tommy and he stares at him, his light eyes slightly watery.
“I sure hope you’re right, because if all the capos she got indicted go down, we all go down. There are other crews out there itching to take us out.”
“Us? You mean, you?”
Jack seethes, his teeth bared in a snarl. “Don’t get cute with me.” He pulls away, a menacing smile on his face as he turns toward me.
Heat rushes through my body when he looks at me with that unpleasant leer.
“I can’t fucking wait until this is over.”
The grin on his face feels like a threat. My hands ball into fists and my fingernails pierce my palm. I’m desperately trying to hold it together, but tears burn my raw eyes and they slip down my face.
Tommy was lying.
Jack can’t wait until it’s over, because I’ll be dead when it’s over.
None of them notice when I collapse on the floor, shaking. Jack wraps an arm around Tommy’s shoulder as he walks toward the front door, their heads bent together.
It slams shut and I barely flinch at the noise. I’m on all fours, staring at the intersecting lines of the tiles, the same thought running through my head over and over:
Tommy was lying. They’re going to kill me.
His footsteps ring in my ears painfully until I see his leather patent shoes edging inside my vision.
“I’m sorry for that, sweetie.”
The pet name and his gentle voice snap me out of my paralysis. I stand up so abruptly that Tommy starts, and my eyes scan the room, looking for anything sharp and metallic.
“Don’t come near me!”
Tommy’s slightly amused face swims in my vision and then finally I see it. A chef’s knife just hanging on the corner of the counter. I lunge for the handle and grab it, triumph rushing through my veins as I raise it to him.
His eyes widen and his grin falters. “Easy, hon. Think about what you’re doing.”
“I am!” I scream, my own voice hurting my ears. “You’re going to kill me after I give you what you want. Well, fuck you! I’m not doing fuck all for you!”
Tommy spreads his arms apart as he approaches me slowly. “Melanie, listen to yourself. You don’t make any sense. If you don’t help us, Jack will hunt down your family.”
“I saw him! I heard what he said!” My eyes swim with tears, dangerously blurring Tommy’s body from my eyes. I blink them away, holding the knife aloft.
“I’m trying to help you, you stupid girl! Have I ever laid a hand on you?”
“You’re just trying to get me to trust you so that I’ll believe that I’m not going to be dead when this is all over.”
His face crumples, all trace of amusement gone. “I swear to you, I’m going to do everything that I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
I shake my head, laughing. “Why the fuck would you do that for me?”
He takes a step forward, the ghost of a smile hanging on his lips. He sticks out his hand. “Give me the knife.”
There’s no fear on his face, and somehow that frightens me.
“Give me the fucking knife.”
A spasm of fear suddenly shoots through me. It’s a trick. He wants me to give it back. He’ll say anything he can to get the knife in his hands.
“No!”
Tommy takes another step and I lash out with the knife. He raises his arm in defense and blood sprays across the floor. He clutches his arm to his chest, looking dazed, and crashes into the cabinets.
“Fuck.”
Shit!
Instead of triumph, I feel nothing but shock. I feel as though I’ve hurt someone who didn’t deserve it. But he does, doesn’t he?
The hand holding the kitchen knife trembles and a smear of blood tarnishes the blade. I look at the knife dripping blood, to Tommy, who clutches his freely bleeding arm. Horror swoops in my stomach. This isn’t who I am.
I never wanted to hurt him.
The blade drops noisily to the floor as I rush toward Tommy, seizing a roll of paper towels as my chest shakes with sobs.
“I’m sorry, Tommy. I’m so sorry!”
His face is blank with shock as he lets me wrap paper towels around his arm to stop the bleeding.
“Get me a towel from upstairs.”
I sprint up the stairs and grab white towels from the rack in the bathroom, hurrying back down to find Tommy sitting on the kitchen floor, a smear of blood on the cabinets behind him.
The paper towels are already soaked through. I remove them and press hard on his wound with the towel. He looks at me with hazy eyes. “You got me pretty good.”
Fresh tears burst from my eyes. “I’m sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. I was just scared.” Bright red bleeds through the towel. “Oh God, what did I do to you?”
“I’m surprised you even care.”
I am, too. Shouldn’t I be running out the front door? Saving myself?
Whatever happened to that?
Guilt swells inside me. I can’t believe I actually stabbed him with a knife when he’s never hurt me. I look at him, his eyes dented with pain. He lifts the towel slightly, and his face hardens when he looks at the wound.
“It’s not that bad.”
“Why do you look so pale, then?”
“You took me by surprise.” He places a finger on my quivering lip and then smoothes my face with his palm. “I’m not angry.”
“Why not?”
“Because what I’ve done to you is worse than any cut you could give me.”
Shocked, I hardly feel the hand caressing my face. He pulls me closer and soft lips tease mine, hardening when I respond back, leaning into his chest. His good arm wraps around my back and I wonder what the fuck I’m doing. It’s all lost now.
What are we doing?
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into his chest.
He protected me from his boss. Weeks ago he snatched me from that motel and threatened me with knives, and now I’m sobbing into his chest when the front door is right there.
Maybe I just don’t see the point in leaving anymore. I feel safer in his arms than I do running out there.
Our lips break apart and that incredible warmth spreads through my body, our foreheads still resting against each other as he moves his fingers in a circular motion on my scalp. Every touch of his that gently grazes my skin is like a live wire directly into my bloodstream. It scorches. Does he feel it, too? I pull away and study his flushed face.
“I don’t want to hurt you. Believe me, Melanie.”
I do. I believe him.
At least, my heart does.