Always Been You

~Lola’s POV~

I’m not supposed to be here. I should be in New York, explaining myself or fighting for my children. I don’t feel good about this hike, yet I am here. Two guys joined us, and I now know that Logan is the tall one who is about the same height as Mason, and Matteo is the one who is one foot shorter than them. Everyone else was a little faster than I was. My body was with them, but my thoughts were in New York, with my children. Mason came to a halt and grinned down at me before taking my hand in his and interlocking our fingers as we followed the well-worn trail through the tall pines. For a while, we walked in quietly. The only sound was our feet crunching through the logs and leaves being thrown across the walkway, punctuated by the caw of a crow overhead. Mason came to a halt and stared at me again.

“Something the matter?” I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn’t bring myself to open my mouth and say, ‘I came here because this might be our last day together.’ I am here because this is a way to say goodbye to them. I don’t know how long it will take to convince Dante that the children are better off with me. June and Mason have been like family to me, so I came here before I could go to NYC because I value our friendship. Although with Mason, it’s a little different.

“What exactly are you thinking?” His question jolted me out of my reverie. I shook my head and smiled at him.

“Do you go on a lot of hikes?” I asked, my gaze fixed on him.

“Yes.” I enjoy trekking. My family and I trek together all the time. My father showed me a lot of hiking trails around the northern Ozarks and the eastern side. Trekking with my father is more enjoyable than hiking with the rest of the family. Because we are men, my father and I will go all out. But we would be cautious anytime we were with mom, June, or the rest of the family.” He came to a halt. “Look at that!” He said something, excitedly pointing to something, and I followed his finger.

As we approached the clearing, the burble of the stream blended with the silence of the woods. The trees open up, allowing sunshine to reach the grass. Larkspurs appear near the water’s edge. That scene reminded me of the first time I went trekking with Dante.

“Hey look!” He said this while looking passionately in the direction he wanted me to look.

“Oh, my goodness! What do you call those? They are beautiful.”

“I know, right? Those are called larkspurs. I was curious, like you, the first time my mother showed them to me,” he stated.

“Larkspurs! So those are larkspurs?”

“Yep!” He clung to me and back hugged me. “And you know the meaning of larkspurs, my lady?” I shook my head, relishing the warmth of his hug as well as his beautiful, masculine fragrance. “Larkspurs represent the strong bond of love. It represents an open heart. The blue larkspur represents dignity and grace. The pink one symbolizes fickleness, love, and affection. White symbolizes happiness and joy, and the last one is the important one; my Lolita. The purple larkspur. Everywhere you go, you always see that one. Think of Dante Monroe and I’ll be waiting for you.

“What exactly does it mean?”

“It’s you and I.”

“Oh, come on, tell me!”

“When my Bunny grows into a giant rabbit, she will know the meaning and come back home, right where she belongs. No matter where in the world she is.”

“That’s not fair, Prince Charming. You always use that line on me.

“Lola, are you okay?”

“The purple one. What does it symbolize?”

“First love.” My eyes went wide.

I was his first love, and so was he. Why did he make me go through so much if he felt the same way?

I inhale a deep breath of pure mountain air and pine before removing a blanket from my backpack and putting it on the grass. I flop down and pat the empty place next to me. I was buried in my own thoughts as I glanced down at my hands. One thought in particular, ‘First Love’, means that Dante was actually expressing his feelings for me, but indirectly. Did he give up when he saw I was taking too long to catch up?

Mason softly snatched my arm and coaxed me down next to him so we could lie face to face. I pulled in a long breath, seeking to calm my hammering heart’s rapid rhythm. Mason began to trail his finger along my jaws, his gaze fixed on my mouth. My lower lips trembled as my breathing became more rapid. He leaned forward, his lips pressing against mine. I was in a trance. There was one attempt at a kiss that I prevented by pulling away from him. I remember that day, like yesterday, my children were bullied at school. They were two years back then, and I took them to a park. I couldn’t kiss Mason that day. I made an excuse. But I didn’t move today. He slid his hands around my waist, pulling me close and capturing my lips again as I melted into him. I encircled his neck and ran my fingers through his hair. He sucked on my lower lip, softly nipping it. I moaned softly and regained my composure immediately. I stood up and started to walk away.

This is not something I should be doing. Dante and I are still married. Mason is a wonderful person, but I can’t do this to him or with him. Make him fall and still run back to Dante. I just can’t picture myself as that kind of person.

“Lola!” I could hear him yelling after me. He took my hand in his and back hugged me.

“Why are you holding back? You knew how I felt from the start. I might not have told you, but you knew how much I cared about you.”Content (C) Nôv/elDra/ma.Org.

“I’m married, Mason.”

“Where is your husband? I have never seen you with any man. You keep wearing that ring, but I have never seen your husband. It’s almost as though he doesn’t exist.”

“Are you saying I’m lying?”

“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed, “It’s been four years, Lola, four good years. I’ve always been there for you. I wanted you from the first day I laid eyes on you. That day, we had a small kettle fight at the supermarket. I was already completely smitten with you. I didn’t mind that you were pregnant, and I certainly don’t mind that you have three children. I love your children, Lola, and I love you.”

“Mason, stop!” I broke the hug and stood in front of him, staring at him. I am married. I can’t do this with him. He closed the gap between us and kissed my mouth with his ravenous lips just as I was about to speak. “This is not lust, Lola. If it was lust, it could have ended a long time ago. I wanted you to be ready to move on, and please don’t use your husband as an excuse because you and I both know he’s just a husband for the sake of namesake.” I froze.

What the fuck am I going to do now?